Those Darn Alien Spores
by Porthos1013
Summary: Alien spores made them do it...or did they? A bit of funny fluffy BeckettCadman, McWeir, Sheyla, RononSurprise, and ZelenkaSurprise…the poor man. Now with more Lorne!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This idea came to me in the middle of quantitative analysis lecture. Don't blame me, blame my chemistry professor for taking 20 minutes to explain a two minute concept. It made my mind wander. And yes, people do look at you strangely when the teacher is explaining multiple reaction equilibria and you're grinning like an idiot.

Written for aaobuttons, because she requested a Beckett/Cadman make out scene, and I figured, why stop there? Also McWeir, Sheyla, Ronon/Surprise, and Zelenka/Surprise…the poor man.

Cranked out in about 4 hours and unbeta'd, not even proofread. I just ran spellcheck and called it good, so any errors are completely my own.

oOo

_Click._

Carson Beckett heard the door to the medical supply cabinet close behind him, and figured it was probably one of the nurses come to help him with the inventory. Turning to offer one of his usual warm greetings, he stopped short when he was faced with the sight of Laura, her back to the door, the access panel's control crystal in her hand, and a feral gleam in her eye.

"Laura," he began slowly, "Why did you just lock us in the medical storage closet?"

Her grin just got wider, baring her teeth, and she advanced on him with a stealthy gait. He was reminded of a predator hunting its prey, and he suddenly understood his lab mice on an entirely new level.

"Er, Laura," he stammered, "Are you feeling alright lass?" Laura didn't say anything, just raised an eyebrow as she continued stalking towards him slowly. When she reached him, he froze in shock as she slowly ran her hands over his chest. Her smile grew, and the next thing he knew she had grabbed him by the back of the neck and dragged him down to meet her lips in a fiery kiss. Carson let out a surprised yelp at the utterly new sensation. Though they'd been on several dates and were quite comfortable with holding hands and even a few pecks on the cheek, that was as far as Carson and Laura had ever progressed. Now, as her warm, soft mouth sucked eagerly at his bottom lip, he wondered why he hadn't bloody done this sooner.

Carson had just wrapped his arms around Laura's waist, pulling her closer, when he heard a familiar voice shout his name from the other side of the door.

"Carson!" McKay called out from somewhere in the infirmary, sounding irritable. "Carson, where are you? We have a…a situation here and we need your voodoo skills, pronto!"

Reluctantly, Carson extricated himself from Laura's enthusiastic mouth and took a moment to collect himself. Hoping his voice sounded normal, and not in the least bit irritated at the interruption, he called, "What seems to be the problem, Rodney?"

"I, uh—stop that—I'm not so sure I'd call it a problem, necessarily, but—ompf—" There was a long pause and what sounded like a bit of a scuffle before Rodney spoke again. "Look, Carson, will you just get out here so I don't have to yell this through the door? It's kind of embarrassing…"

Carson sighed, grudgingly switching into doctor mode. "Aye, Rodney, be out in a moment." Turning to the blond still wrapped tightly around him, he said, "Laura, dear, you need to unlock the door."

Pouting adorably, she took out the control crystal and studied it, her expression thoughtful. Suddenly, her face lit up in a wicked grin. "You want it?" she asked, then stuffed the crystal down the front of her shirt. "Come and get it," she finished, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Carson balked for a moment, before McKay let out a muffled squeak from outside the door. "Carson!" he called, sounding a little breathless. "What's taking so long?"

"I can't—" Carson began, still trying to gather himself together at the sight of Laura standing there, practically daring him to grope her. "I can't get out Rodney. It seems Laura's locked me in the closet." Well, those certainly weren't words he'd ever pictured himself saying out loud.

"What?" Rodney's voice came back, perplexed. "Why would she—" There was another pause, and when he spoke again it was with a familiar irritation. "Oh, god, not you too!"

At McKay's words, Carson gave him his full attention. "Rodney, what are you talking about?"

"It's happening all over the city! The women are all going crazy!" Rodney shouted, sounding mildly panicked.

Carson eyed Laura nervously, but she made no motion towards him. Turning back to the door, he said, "Just calm down. What do you mean the women are going crazy?"

"Well, let's see," Rodney began sarcastically, "Dr. Biro jumped that Canadian guy in the control room, Heightmeyer and Katie were having a catfight in the mess over Radek—_Radek_, of all people! And, oh yes, I almost forgot, Elizabeth currently has me _pinned against the infirmary wall_!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing, Rodney." Elizabeth's voice rang clear through the door, and Carson could hear the low, seductive tone along with a hint of amusement.

Carson gazed at Laura with narrowed eyes. She took the opportunity to openly leer, her eyes traveling up and down the length of his body, and Carson felt himself blush. "What should we do?" he called warily, but the only response was a lengthy pause. "Rodney?" he tried again, and was again only answered with silence. "Rodney!"

"What? Yes! Present!" McKay burst out, then obviously took a moment to collect himself. "I mean, uhm, there's obviously something wrong here. Maybe there's something in the water, or some sort of virus, or…or alien spores, I don't know! This is your field, not mine! Now get out here and fix this before I decide to exact revenge on your entire collection of sheep shearers!"

Carson's indignant reply morphed into a yelp as he felt a hand pinch a very sensitive part of his anatomy. Whirling around and placing his hands protectively over his rear, he found himself face to face with Laura's gleaming expression. "If you want me to get out of here, Rodney, I suggest you get to work on rewiring the access panel from your side. I doubt I'll be getting out of here on my own anytime soon."

As he spoke, Laura placed her hands on his chest and slowly pushed him backwards until he was pressed up against the door, her hands on his chest effectively holding him in place.

"You know what I think?" she began conversationally. "I think you don't want out of here at all. It's not like I'm keeping you from getting that crystal. In fact…" She leaned in close and her lips brushed his ear. He felt his body tense and his breath hitch at the contact. "You could have it anytime you want it," she finished, he whisper making his body shudder involuntarily. Her lips grazed the short stubble of his jaw line as she made her way slowly to his mouth. Carson knew he should stop her, that even if this did feel _bloody amazing_, he shouldn't take advantage of her in this situation. He moved to gently push her away, but inexplicably found his hands on her waist pulling her in the opposite direction he had intended. Her warm, wet mouth found his, and he felt himself moan low in the back of his throat. Her lips pressed into a smile as she continued to kiss him, and a small part of him silently hoped Rodney took his sweet time getting that bloody door open.

When Carson heard his radio chirp, he jumped nearly to the ceiling. "Uh, Beckett?" Colonel Sheppard's voice muttered tentatively into his ear. "You busy?"

Carson bit back his groan of annoyance and tried to inject his voice with as much composure as he could muster. "Aye, a wee bit," he replied, "but tell me your problem and I'll see what I can do for ye, son."

There was a pause as Sheppard cleared his throat. "Well, uh, it's not actually _my_ problem, it's about Teyla." Carson sighed, sensing where this was headed. "We were sparring in the gym, and she sort of, well…Let's just say I was having flashbacks to the bug incident. I don't suppose there's any chance she might have been exposed to the retrovirus, is there?"

Carson considered the matter, puzzled how the retrovirus could be involved with what was going on around the city. "No, I donnae think there's much chance of that, Colonel," he answered.

"Really? Good!" Sheppard's voice sounded relieved and a little thrilled, to put it mildly.

"Colonel," Carson continued, "I think I should warn you, there seems to be some sort of contagion affecting the women of the city. Is Teyla displaying any sort of…erratic behavior?" he asked, trying to be discreet.

"Uh, yeah, you could say that. So, you think this virus or the alien spores or whatever could be affecting their judgment? Maybe making them behave irrationally?" he asked, sounding slightly disappointed, for some reason.

Carson gasped as Laura planted her mouth at the base of his throat, apparently becoming impatient. "Aye," he squeaked, "I'd say there's a fair chance."

"I promise you, Dr. Beckett," Teyla's serene voice replied, "my judgment is most assuredly my own."

Without even a pause, Sheppard answered, "Good enough for me!" and the connection ended with a click.

Carson only had a moment to process Teyla's words before he felt someone collide with the door at his back. Suddenly aware of the commotion Rodney was dealing with in the infirmary, he heard Rodney's breathless voice. "Elizabeth, stop! You're not yourself! I need to get Beckett out here so he can take care of you, and I can't work on that access panel with your tongue down my throat!"

Carson snorted. Really, Rodney had no idea how to properly speak to a lady, but Elizabeth didn't seem to mind. "Rodney," she answered, and she must have been very close, because he could hear her quiet voice thorough the door, "There is nothing wrong with me. My feelings for you haven't changed, I just…I feel like I need to show you."

There was soft rustling behind the door, and then Carson swore he heard someone moaning. He made a face and called, "Alright, that's enough you two! Back to work!"

"Easy for you to say," Rodney mumbled.

Rodney didn't know just how wrong he was. Given Laura's wildly wandering hands, it was a miracle he'd retained the power of speech at all. Her hands rediscovered his unprotected rear and squeezed, making Carson shout in surprise. "Laura!" he cried, scandalized.

Laura quirked her eyebrow, adopting an innocent "Who, me?" expression, before abandoning it like the failure it was. "I never figured you for a prude, Carson," she said.

"I'm not a prude!" he replied, appalled.

"Well then what's the big deal?" she shrugged, a bit irritated. "It's not like a little making out ever killed anybody!"

Carson just stared at her for several long seconds, contemplating her words. Slowly, one corner of his mouth lifted in a tiny smirk, and he shifted his hands from the small of her back to an area a tad lower. Leaning forward to capture her lips in a hungry kiss, he tried not to feel offended when Laura just giggled into his mouth.

"Beckett," Ronon's low voice rumbled in his ear.

Ripping his lips from Laura's, Carson growled, "Bloody hell!"

Ronon continued, undeterred by the response. "I need you to remove a parasite," he commanded.

Relieved to at least have a problem that didn't involve the various women of Atlantis jumping the men they fancied, Carson relaxed a bit. "I'm a little busy right now, Ronon, but why don't you describe the parasite to me, and I'll see if I can tell you how to remove it yourself." Really, he was taking a chance, because if the iratus bug was any indication, the Pegasus version of a tick could be bloody disastrous. Whatever description he was expecting, however, it paled in comparison to the one Ronon gave.

"It's small, with black hair, and glasses, and it's attached itself to my arm." Through Ronon's radio, he thought he could hear emphatic Japanese. "And now it's cursing me in some strange language."

Ignoring the fact that she was probably doing anything but cursing him, Carson asked incredulously, "Miko?"

Immediately, her voice came through on her own radio as she answered. "I love him, Dr. Beckett! He is strong and brave, but he has been alone for so long, he just needs someone to—"

"Tell me how to remove it." Ronon's normally impassive voice betrayed a touch of annoyance.

Carson just gave him a beleaguered sigh, and said, "I'm sorry, son, but you're just going to have to wait until we figure it out."

He couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard Ronon growl. "I hate waiting," he said, and then there was a click as he broke the connection.

Laura brought his attention back to her with a gently touch on his cheek and a wide grin. "Now, where were we?" she asked, bringing his face down to hers. Just as their lips brushed together, Zelenka's voice buzzed n his ear. "Carson!" he whispered harshly.

"Radek, there's nothing we can do right now. Whoever she is, I don't—"

"She? Who has mentioned a 'she?' I am hiding under console in control room from Kavanaugh!"

Carson blinked. "Kavanaugh?"

"Yes! Kavanaugh! He has been chasing me all over city like school girl with crush! I have managed to—" Radek's voice paused, and when he spoke again it was much quieter. "Wait, I think he has…AAH!" There was a crash and then a click, and the connection was lost.

Carson looked at Laura with wide, shell shocked eyes, and she laughed. After a moment, his laughter joined hers, and he had just threaded his fingers through her hair in preparation for another kiss when he heard another voice from his radio, this time from Major Lorne. "Um, Doc?" was as far as he got before Carson ripped the radio from his ear and threw it across the room.

"Carson!" Laura looked shocked but delighted at his behavior. Feeling much more like the predator now rather than the prey, he pressed his lips to hers in a searing kiss. It only took her an instant to get with the program, and she began sucking and nipping at his lips as he did hers. He ran the tip of his tongue over her lower lip, and she responded by opening her mouth invitingly. He pushed his tongue past her lips, scraping it across her teeth, and this time she was the one moaning with pleasure. He was busy reveling in the sensation of her tongue dueling with his when the door behind him suddenly opened, dumping him unceremoniously to the floor. He briefly got a glimpse of Rodney, bent over the control panel with a blissful look on his face as Elizabeth did something absolutely obscene to his ear, before Laura landed on top of him with a startled, "Oof!"

As Carson and Laura struggled to untangle themselves from each other, Rodney tried to collect himself. "Oh, good, you're out. Now you can earn your paycheck and fix this." Carson couldn't be sure, but he thought he detected a hint of regret behind the jibe.

oOo

Several hours and a great deal of research later, Carson had developed a working antidote, which he was about to test on Elizabeth. "One last time, lass. Are you sure you want to do this?"

Elizabeth turned adoring eyes to McKay. "If Rodney says I'll be okay, then I'll be okay," she said confidently.

Rodney didn't shift as she placed an arm casually around his waist. "As far as medical doctors go, Carson's the best. You'll be fine," he assured her needlessly.

Nodding, Carson found an artery and injected the antidote into Elizabeth's arm. Her eyes fluttered closed momentarily, and she collapsed into Rodney's arms for support. Her return to consciousness was slow as she took in her surroundings uncertainly. Realizing how tightly she held Rodney, she blushed and uncomfortably removed her arms from around his middle. Rodney, however, seemed unwilling to lose the contact, and took her hand in his. "Elizabeth?" he asked, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Are you okay?" She seemed to understand the deeper meaning behind the question. Still blushing a little, she smiled and nodded. All the tension immediately bled from Rodney's body, and he cast her a relieved smile. "Good. Now c'mon," he said, pulling her towards the storage closet.

"Rodney? Where—"

"Are you kidding? I've wanted to do this since the moment I laid eyes on you. Now that I'm sure it's really you and not the alien spores talking, if you think I'm waiting another second you're crazy."

As soon as the doors shut, Carson and Laura heard Elizabeth utter a surprised but pleased, "Oh, Rodney!"

Rolling her eyes, Laura asked, "So, who's next?"

"Let's find out, shall we?" Tapping his radio, he called, "Colonel Sheppard?" When he got no answer, he exchanged worried glances with Laura and tried again. "Colonel Sheppard, come in please."

Teyla's breathless voice came across the radio, sounding anything but serene. "Colonel Sheppard is…indisposed at the moment. Oh!" There was a soft clatter that Carson recognized as the sound of the radio hitting the floor. Miraculously, the connection stayed open, and he heard Teyla say, "Again, John? Do you not wish to rest?" Sheppard must have given her his answer without words, because the next sound Carson heard was Teyla's loud moan.

Clicking off _that_ connection quickly, Carson tried again. "Ronon?"

"I'm here," he answered.

"If you're still interested, lad, we have an antidote available."

There was a pause before he answered curtly, "I can wait."

Sighing, Carson tried once more, and really, he wondered why he hadn't tried this one first. "Radek?" he called.

"Help me!" he heard the Czech's voice beg.

Fighting the grin threatening to break out on his features, Carson replied, "I'm on my way."

oOo

The next day, most of the city's inhabitants were back to normal, with a few interesting stories floating around the rumor mill. Carson had determined the source of the strange behavior from the day before. It had actually been a kind of airborne microscopic plant that fed from the adrenaline and other hormones associated with feelings of love. Rodney and Sheppard had been quick to dub the plant an alien spore, and he was loathe to argue.

He had just finished running Laura's tests, twice, and now that he was certain of the results, he felt they needed to have a little chat.

"So, am I fit as a fiddle or what?" she asked from her position on the infirmary bed, awaiting his final diagnosis.

"Aye," he replied. "You're fine. In fact, you're better than fine. You show no signs of the infection at all."

Her face showed no indication that she knew the full weight of meaning behind that statement. "Well, that's great then. C'mon, let's go have lunch to celebrate."

Carson continued on, unimpeded. "I was curious about your results, so I ran a few more tests. The results are really quite intriguing. Would you like to know what I found?"

Her eyes widened fractionally, but he wouldn't have caught her reaction if he wasn't looking for it. "Um, actually, I'm really hungry, so why don't we just go—" Her attempt to slide off of the bed and out of the infirmary was halted as he continued his explanation, ignoring her objection.

"I found out that people with the ATA gene have a natural immunity to the infection. And you, my dear, have been inoculated." He cast her an expectant look, and after a few moments, she crumbled.

"Alright, fine! I didn't get infected, are you happy now? I figured out what was going on pretty fast once Dr. Weir jumped McKay in the middle of the Gateroom, and I decided to use it to my advantage." She pretended to be cavalier about it, but Carson could tell she was anxious about his reaction.

Deciding to set her at ease, he stepped closer and placed a hand on her cheek. "Why did you feel you needed to do that, love?"

Laura shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I'm glad we took it slow at first and everything, but seriously, Carson. There's slow, and then there's _glacial_."

Snickering lightly, Carson leaned close and placed a soft, chaste kiss to Laura's mouth. "If you were getting tired of waiting, all you had to do was ask," he said, smiling.

Laura smiled back, then took his hand and led him out of the infirmary towards the mess. Assuming an innocent expression, Carson said, "You know, I never did get that control crystal back from you. Rodney's sure to hound me about it later." Laura began digging in her pockets, searching for the wayward crystal. "No, don't worry about it now. I'll just get it from you later tonight. I'll meet you at your quarters, say around 7:00?"

Comprehension, followed by an open leer graced Laura's features. "I think I can do that," she replied slyly.

Walking down the corridor, hand in hand with his amazing girlfriend, Carson had only one thought.

God bless those darn alien spores.

oOo

A/N: Yay! It's done! I hope this appeased all the Beckett/Cadman supporters upset by the way I broke them up in Something's Come Up, and now I can go back to writing that fic without this banging around in my brain like it has been the last few days. I'm not sure how I feel about this one yet. Oddly enough, I think this might be one of the steamiest stories I've written (and can't you tell I haven't written many steamy stories, if this is the tops?) and it's not even a pairing I really support, so please let me know how this went, I'm dying to know!


	2. Epilogue

A/N: Okay, by popular demand, here's Lorne's epilogue. It was basically written in less than an hour as a way to keep from studying for my chemistry test, so it's not one of the best things I've ever written. The two OFC's are bland as vanilla pudding, but really they're just there to look pretty and let Lorne get some, because he's a hottie, and therefore deserves some lovin'. (Think of them as my version of Norena.) I'm relatively certain they come off as incredibly blasé Mary Sues, but for god's sake, BiteMeTechie, keep Lenny away from them until the end of the fic, or Lorne will have no one to "get it on" with. ;) I feel I should probably warn those of you who are Lorne/Parrish fans, the only slash I'm a fan of is McKay/Sheppard, so you'll get nada from me. Sorry!

oOo

When Major Marcus Lorne awoke, it took him a moment to gather his fuzzy thoughts. Slowly, as the previous night's events filtered back into his memory, he felt a smug grin form on his face. Who would've thought that a routine meet-and-greet would end up quite like this?

Lorne had mentally dubbed P3R-252 "Planet of the Weird-Ass Plant Life" as soon as he stepped through the gate, what with the purple-tinged, translucent palm trees and orange spiky flowers the size of his head, among other things. But the Erovian people were friendly enough, and seemed willing to trade. Parrish was having a field day with all the strange crop plants they had to offer, and the village leaders were so pleased with his reaction they even offered to have one of their scientists take him on a tour of the area, to let him collect some samples of native wildlife. Lorne had decided to escort the pair through the "forest." Parrish had a knack for finding trouble even under the most innocent circumstances, and so far Atlantis had a lousy track record with supposed "allies." Really, he told himself, he was only being cautious, and it had nothing to do with the fact that the Erovian botanist was a babe.

She had taken them down a narrow path through the wilderness, patiently answering Parrish's eager questions, seeming amused by his enthusiasm. As he took samples, she mentioned each plant's medicinal or ornamental value, while Parrish dutifully took notes. Lorne got bored quickly, and tuned them out while he kept a watchful eye on the perimeter, trying not to be distracted by the oddly colored scenery. It wasn't until the Erovian woman let out an alarmed shout that his attention snapped back to the pair. She had her hand on Parrish's arm, holding him back as he reached out towards a small, grayish-green plant. "No," she repeated firmly, "You mustn't touch the Lilacia, at any cost."

Parrish swallowed hard and slowly withdrew his hand. "Is it poisonous?" he asked.

She seemed to consider his question, then answered, "Not exactly, but it does have other properties."

"Such as?" Lorne questioned.

"It affects different people in different ways. Some have a natural immunity to the plant, while others…Well, perhaps the answer to your question lies in the history of the plant. According to legend, a young man wished to woo the woman he loved, but could not find a way to approach her. The goddess of love took pity on him, so she created this plant. The young man gave his beloved a bouquet of magnificent flowers in which the Lilacia was hidden, and she came to realize her true feelings for him. The young man named the plant after the goddess of love in thanks for her kindness."

Lorne quirked on eyebrow upwards, examining the plant more closely. It was small, with sickly-looking leaves and fuzzy grey pods sticking out the top. He wouldn't expect a plant named after a love goddess to be quite so…ugly. "So, it's an aphrodisiac," he surmised.

"I am unfamiliar with that word." She pursed her lips adorably in confusion.

"We're safe here, right?" Parrish asked abruptly. "I mean, it can't affect us from a distance, can it?"

She shook her head in answer, making her long blond curls bounce in the sunlight. "It has several days yet before it ripens, then the pods will burst, spreading the stimulating part of the plant through the air. Those in the community not immune to its powers will be secluded for three days, until the effects have worn off."

"Well, if it's not ripe yet, why can't I take a sample?" Lorne could tell Parrish was just itching to get his hands on the plant and study it. Not that Lorne could really blame him. With properties like that, he was a little curious himself.

"The pods may burst prematurely if the plant is disturbed. Although it is not yet fully ripe, the effects will be just as potent."

Parrish eyed the plant once more, with obvious interest. "But, if I was very careful, I'm sure I could—"

"Maybe we should listen to what the lady has to say," Lorne interrupted. "After all, she seems to know what she's talking about," he continued, giving her a friendly nod.

She smiled as she replied, "I should hope so. It is the flower I was named after." Then she turned with a wink and led Parrish back down the path. Lorne followed behind, allowing himself a long look. Unlike that hideous flower, this Lilacia chick being named after the goddess of love made a lot more sense.

oOo

After their little hike through the wilderness, the Erovians had put together a banquet in their honor. Lorne, as team leader, had naturally been seated next to their chief diplomat, Rosalla. Normally he hated playing nicey-nice with the local politicians, but in this case, he wasn't complaining. If he considered Lilacia a babe, then Rosalla was a knock-out. Besides, he's always had a thing for redheads.

"Major Lorne," she began, "I would like to thank you again, on behalf of my people, for your generosity. And please, pass my gratitude on to Dr. Parrish as well. His suggestions for increasing our crop yields will be most beneficial to us in the coming months."

"I'll be sure to do that, ma'am. I know he'll appreciate it." Parrish had disappeared early into the banquet, but that wasn't a rare occurrence. If he wasn't always heading off to poke around with his boring plants, Lorne may have been jealous of his ability to slip out of these official functions unnoticed. He was probably milling around the Erovian lab right now, having the time of his life. Lorne couldn't understand how anyone could get such a kick out of a pile of dead leaves.

"And I will be sure to mention my appreciation to your leader, Dr. Weir, when we meet tomorrow to finalize negotiations," Rosalla continued with a solemn nod. "I'm looking forward to meeting her. She must be an extraordinary woman, to have gained the trust and allegiance of such a fine soldier."

Lorne couldn't be sure, but if push came to shove he'd bet money that she was flirting with him, and had been all night. Smiling warmly, Lorne thanked her for the compliment, and turned back to his meal, blushing slightly. He wondered briefly if this was what Sheppard felt like on a regular basis.

oOo

The next day, as they geared up to go home, Lorne noticed Parrish loading up his samples with extra care. He supposed that for a botanist, this planet was like Disneyland and Christmas all rolled up in one, so it was natural for the man to want to protect his precious souvenirs. For Lorne and the rest of his team, however, they were just eager to get off the planet that had quickly become hay fever hell.

As they stepped through the gate, the team and the Erovian delegation were greeted by Dr. Weir. She doled out the necessary pleasantries as she ushered Rosalla and Lilacia into the conference room, but Parrish hung back, obviously eager to bustle off to his lab. Rolling his eyes at the scientist, Lorne said, "Fine, go play with your plants." Parrish smiled, and then was off like a shot, headed for his lab. He hadn't made it five steps before his natural klutziness took over, and he tripped. He fell flat on his face, his bag of samples flying into the air and skittering across the floor, finally resting a good ten feet from the doctor. Manfully repressing a smirk, Lorne grabbed the scientist by the back of his vest and hauled him to his feet, unable to resist a little teasing. "Honestly, Parrish, I don't know how you've managed to survive this long."

Parrish just looked back at him with wide eyes. "I, uhm…I need to just…check something." Dashing over to his bag, Parrish recovered his samples and stuffed them in the pack, peering in to examine the contents. When he looked back up, he seemed a little pale, and motioned over his shoulder as he spoke. "I'll just be…in the lab." Before Lorne could respond, Parrish beat a hasty retreat toward the biology wing, practically leaving a cloud of dust in his tracks. Lorne regarded his exit with a furrowed brow, before finally just chalking it up to Parrish being Parrish, and headed into the conference room to join in the negotiations.

The talks were going well, at least for the first five minutes. Outside the conference room, Lt. Cadman and Dr. McKay were recalibrating some control crystals, bickering as usual, while the Canadian technician whose name Lorne could never remember ran diagnostics after each calibration. The first sign that there was something amiss was when Dr. Weir became distracted, paying more attention to what was going on in the Gateroom than to the negotiations. Since Lorne found politics to be about as exciting as, well, botany, he felt he had an excuse to be watching the calibrations with interest, but Dr. Weir was nothing if not professional. He was pondering her obvious inattention when he felt a hand on his knee, and he was pretty sure it wasn't his. Looking down, his suspicions were confirmed when he found Lilacia's hand resting firmly on his thigh, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Shocked and a bit flattered, he tried to be discreet as he gently removed her hand, placing it instead in her own lap. When he looked up again, he was sure he was blushing, and refused to meet her eyes. Instead, he focused on the control room, spying Dr. Biro's approach. To his utter dismay, he watched her walk right up to that Canadian technician and plant herself in his lap. The poor man looked so shocked that his eyes might roll right out of his head. Suddenly, he felt Lilacia's hand reclaim his knee, followed quickly by a definite squeeze. When Rosalla repeated the action on his other knee, he nearly swallowed his tongue in shock. Blushing profusely now, he cleared his throat and was about to excuse himself when Dr. Weir stood, not taking her eyes off the Gateroom. "If you'll just excuse me for one moment…" she muttered absentmindedly before heading out the doors, running down the steps and literally flinging herself at McKay. Cadman took one look at the leader of Atlantis wrapped around the chief of science, one look at the couple entwined at the control console, then promptly headed out of the Gateroom like a woman on a mission.

It didn't take Lorne long to figure out what had happened. Standing abruptly, he ground out one word. "Parrish!" Exiting the conference room, he left two very disappointed women behind and headed off to pummel the moronic botanist. He passed a tomato-red McKay as he hauled the clinging Dr. Weir in the same direction Cadman had run off to, but Lorne headed the opposite direction, towards the botany labs. He was about halfway there when he realized Lilacia was following him, calling his name. She caught up to him and grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn and face her.

"Major Lorne, where are you going?" she asked.

Lorne's temper flared. "I'm going to kick Parrish's skinny, idiotic—"

"It won't help," she interrupted. "The damage is already done. Unless you have a means of secluding those among you that are infected, there is nothing you can do but wait."

Well, at least that was an idea. He tried to ignore the fact that Lilacia's hand had migrated from his arm up to the back of his neck, where her fingers were making lazy circles as they twirled in his hair, a dreamy expression on her face. Instead, he tried to focus on putting his half-baked plan into action. Realizing he certainly couldn't track down half of the population on his own, especially with Lilacia wrapped around him like a vine, he did the next best thing, and called for reinforcements. Tapping his radio, he called, "Colonel Sheppard, come in please." When he got no response, he tried again. "Colonel Sheppard, please respond."

Lorne heard what he thought was a low growl before Sheppard's voice said, "I'm a little busy right now, Major. Call back later," and the connection immediately clicked off.

"Okay, so, no help there," Lorne muttered before Lilacia pressed her lips to the side of his neck, making him suck in a surprised breath. If he wasn't careful, she'd leave one hell of a hicky, and he didn't fancy explaining that to his superiors come tomorrow morning. Gently shoving her away and holding her at arm's length, he tried to reason with her. "Lilacia, stop. You're being controlled by this drug, or alien spore, or whatever. This isn't you."

Raising a dainty eyebrow, she replied, "If you are assuming, Major Lorne, that I didn't want to do this the moment you walked through the gate on Erovia, then you are sadly mistaken."

Lorne felt her hand snake out to rest on the back of his neck again, and considered her words. Sure, he wasn't exactly hard up, but he wasn't blind either, and there was only so much a man could take with a hot blond in his arms. Smiling slightly, he pulled Lilacia towards him, their mouths meeting in a tentative kiss. Her fingers threaded through his hair, making it stand on end, and just as things were getting heated, he heard footsteps approaching, fast. He managed to pull himself away from Lilacia just in time to see Zelenka streak past at roughly the speed of light, a string of Czech curses streaming from his mouth. A split second later, Kavanaugh followed.

Lorne made a disgusted face. "Oh, now that's just _wrong_." He decided that if he didn't get some help, and fast, the city could very well degenerate into utter chaos. There was one person he knew would be able to figure out what was going on and cure it. Calling upon all his military training to ignore whatever amazing thing Lilacia was doing to his earlobe, he tapped his radio once more. "Uh, Doc?" he called getting only another low growl followed by static. "Doc?" he tried again. "Dr. Beckett?" Lilacia halted his increasingly insistent calls for Beckett by pressing her body flush against his and capturing his mouth in another kiss. Lorne had a brief moment of resistance before figuring, "Well, if you can't beat 'em…" and met Lilacia's pouty lips with a searing, passionate kiss. Things got a little fuzzy from there.

Somehow, they'd managed to stumble back to his quarters, obviously, since that's where he awoke. Gazing at the golden head that was sleeping soundly in his bed, he decided he'd have to thank Beckett for not responding to his calls, whatever the reason. Heck, he might just even thank Parrish for being a dimwit and bringing that plant back with him. Those alien spores might not have been that bad, after all. The memories continued to percolate back into his hazy mind, and he felt his grin widen as the memory of running into someone just outside his quarters hit him. Turning to his opposite side, he met the sleepy face and red hair of Rosalla, and felt his grin stretch to epic proportions. Oh, yes, he decided alien spores were _definitely_ a good thing.

oOo

A/N: There ya go, Lorne got his groove on, now I am officially done with this fic! Not that I didn't enjoy writing it, but I liked the first part a lot better than the second, and although I love Lorne to pieces, I think I suck at writing him, and surprisingly enjoyed writing Parrish much more. Huh, go figure. O.o This part didn't turn out nearly as good on paper as it was in my head, but I think that can be explained by my lack of sufficient caffeination while writing, and my stress over my upcoming test. Hopefully, now that I've restocked my supply of Starbuck's and Chex Mix, the mother of all chapters of Something's Come Up will be done by the end of the week, and will be a lot better than this drivel. I may just delete this chapter, I dislike it that much. Meh, we'll see.


End file.
